Well, well, well. As it would have turn out, poor Bec's ill and I'm at home spending NYE's with my familia. I'm glad to be with my family, even though it disappointed me greatly at first cos I've had it all planned. Siloso was first choice. But the rain was threatening, so it was Esplanade. Then Jac already had plans for NYE. So it was gonna be with Bec, but she wasn't feeling good. Chien Hao then called to ask if I wanted passes to the party at Siloso. Couldn't find anyone to go with, Rei was spending NYE with her family. Bumped into Jac at Parkway just now and heard the gang was going over to her place for mahjong.

Felt really disappointed cos I placed such high hopes on spending NYE partying, since it's gonna be the last time I can do it as a student. I know it's never gonna be the same again after I get to live the working life.

But I feel good now. Very good, in fact. I got meself a new phone and a new pair of jeans. I am on top of my sked and I received nice messages from my friends just a while ago.

Amin and Ivy immediately contacted me to ask if I was back from Bangkok. There was a bombing at Victory Monument a while ago, and judging from the militant action in southern Bangkok, I am sure feelin' damn lucky right now.

But more than that, I was very touched by both their actions. It's nice to know once in a while that I have great friends like Amin and Ivy.

Alright, I'm gonna try to stay up for the countdown on TV. I'm hell tired right now from the emotional rollercoaster today. :)

Goodbye 2006

Lol, everyone's doing a reflective piece on their blogs. It's weird cos that's what I do too. I guess it's a good time to do some reflection as the year closes cos you get to evaluate what was good and bad and ugly. Then you get to close some issues and look forward to new ones. So here goes:

Why I love 2006:
Finally got hooked on The O.C., like everyone else
CORS nightmare yet again (What else is new?)
The passing of Uncle Ma'il (May his soul rest in peace)
A horrible V-Day for the first time - more gross than lonely, really
Graduation for most of my friends - leaving me behind in school (cos I love it so much)
The NUS fee hike
A stab at journalism at the beginning of the year with The Orange Post
Introduction to how a world with freedom of the press could be like
Writing stint with Funkygrad
Continued with journalism with the start of The Campus Observer
Brokeback Mountain/Le Grand Voyage/Little Miss Sunshine - Can't decide which one I like most
Justin Timberlake's Future Sex/Love Sounds - My album of the year
Jason Mraz in concert *squeal*
The Singapore General Elections - finally got to exercise my right to vote and make a difference
First internship stint at iPark Singapore
Continued freelancing for iPark Singapore (which will continue till end 2007)
The World Cup Fever
Ups and downs with my feelings - Never again. Ok, well not for the mo'.
My best week ever in my life - with the best day falling on 6.6.06
Waaay too much shopping
Introduction to the nightlife and got sucked into it
Not enough alone time
Not enough watching of movies alone
Plenty of catch up with my girlies - an unexpected good thing, but we may get too tired of each other, eh?
Nightmarish second half of the year due to projects (again)
Three new kitties to entertain
First ever trip overseas to Bangkok - on a plane, too!
All the great people in my life (new and old)
And finally, waaay too much blogging this year. Whoops.

It's time to end the year off with a bang. Gonna meet Bec later for fireworks at the Esplanade. Here's to a great year that has passed, and yet again, never would I trade any of the good or bad experiences for anything.

I am your subsitute person, call me!

(Bangkok post on the way, if I find the mood to post it. For the record, I did have fun, even if it was only shopping in the city.)

Let me get through this first. The year is drawing to a close and I feel like it's too fast. The last few days were a whirl and a stab in the heart. Usually, I feel the last few days of the year, but this time, it's like they never happened and it's New Year's Eve (and Hari Raya Haji, remember people?) tomorrow.

In fact this entire month was a tragic one for me. I was looking forward to it with all my heart, after having been through one of the toughest semesters in NUS. (Think TCO, deadlines, graduated friends therefore lonely hallways, feelings, work, parties. Whew.) But I got through it in one piece and really December was THE month I wanted to be perfect. But as it turned out, it was plagued with the worst days I've had in the year.

All the stuff came back. The bad stuff. And I'm not even talking about boys, cos them, I can handle. I'm talking about that issue. AGAIN.

I remember vividly how I felt in secondary school when people I thought were my friends made plans (to go to the movies, to hang out, to shop etc.) and would not invite me. I found out, of course, and the feeling of not being appreciated has stuck ever since. Once or twice, I could handle. Over and over again, I get the message. Nita, you are not wanted. Oh, but if you need me to help with your Science homework, it becomes, "Come sit with me during recess, girl."

I am getting extremely tired of initiating get-togethers with friends (trust me, I don't have a whole lot of them). I'll propose a date, they'll say okay, but when it comes to crunch time, I find out that I'm the substitue person for some grander plan that they already have. Nita, you'll be my backup right, I know you'll always be there for me.

I am also experiencing boyfriend takeovers. You know, when your girlfriends get hooked-up and suddenly you become the one getting in the way? Yeah, that be me right now. Like all the time we had together before that never meant anything cos the boyfriend automatically erases all that. Nita, my boyfriend doesn't like me to go clubbing. Sure, sure.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. Take all of it, multiply it by the number of people I thought valued my friendship and you have one disappointed girl bloggin right now. But I must have learnt to live with all this already right? I mean, it's time to face it already right?

I ain't that important to anyone I place importance on, after all.

OMG!!

I am at the airport waiting to board the plane!!! *shriek*

Cupid, don't f*ck wit' me.

Well, my bag is packed, I'm ready to leave for my very first trip overseas (other than Malaysia). It is also going to be my very first time on a plane. I ought to be excited, and I was, but now, I just feel like maybe I am not a traveller. I don't know, maybe I'll get into the mood tomorrow morn.

Bangkok's gonna be a fine palce, I think. I guess I'll get lots of shopping done and burn the hole in my pocket even bigger than it already is. Sigh. I don't know, we'll see what I'll get done. I know my mom and I will go for a mani and pedi, heh. I am gonna get all the music I can get that is not sold here. My sis? Er, she'll be trying to enjoy shopping, I suppose.

Or maybe it's the fact that I am not gonna be spending Christmas here. I'm usually in the mood for Christmas, even though I don't celebrate it. This year, it's a little weird. Was psyched about Xmas and New Year parties the minute I ended exams, but somehow, organising them is very frustrating. No, not organising them, simply getting people together is frustrating. But whatever, I've learnt to live with this things.

Kinda sad and pathetic that I'm gonna leave for a trip feeling a tad depressed. Oh well. *shrug* See ya'll after 26th.

To all my friends who celebrate Christmas, have a great Christmas and may Santa grant you all that you wish for. :)

Snoop Dogg feat. Charlie Wilson and Justin Timberlake - Signs

Just so you know

As of this moment, I have just finished typing out publicity plans for TCO and sent them over to Clem and the rest. Looking back on the meeting the biz cell had two days ago, I start to seriously doubt my value to the team. While I am still enthusiastic about TCO, I don't know if I'm good enough for them.

I couldn't come up with a decent idea for publicity, I honestly am just stabbing in the dark. I mean, don't business/PR/advertising people have sharp minds and great ideas? Well, I don't, and for the first time, I'm starting to doubt if I really wanna go into PR/advertising after I graduate.

Other than serious TCO stuff, we biz gals had much fun just having dinner at Burger King. (Though I did feel a little out, since Rei and Corinne know each other longer. Nah, perhaps I'm just out anywhere and everywhere I am.) Dear Rei got Corinne and I presents from Bangkok, and I love mine. She made us pose in them and the criminal pictures are up on her blog. Yucks. Also got to accompany Rei shopping while she waited for her friend. Sometimes I feel like a real good filler. You know, like how they say in Elizabethtown, the subsitute people? Yeah.

Also met with Dom, Grace and Amin yesterday to do some catch up. Dear Grace got me a pair of earrings, knowing how much I love earrings. Dom is his usual sarcastic and annoying self, although the guy gets things right a lot of the time. He got it very right when he told me about the backup plan that I have. I hate to admit it, but it is true. Therefore I am gonna change that. I am not going to let myself use this backup plan, cos the reasons for using it will be totally unfair. Like I said, emotions always mess with rationality and try as hard as I may, I can never seem to balance them effectively. Feelings always override my rationality. And I had great fun listening to Amin talk about his Bangkok trip! I can't wait to get there myself.


Dom, me, Grace, Amin


Aren't the Xmas decorations pretty?

Well, it's time to pick the pieces where I left off and get along with it. I so miss my normal life.

Mr Jay Tee is teh sexy.

Justin Timberlake - My Love


Justin Timberlake - What Goes Around...Comes Around

My fav from his sophomore effort.

Still on the music topic, I can't seem to find Rooster's Circles and Satellites anywhere in Singapore!! It is so frustrating.... I tried finding the album online, but they sell it at ridiculously high prices!! It's not like Rooster's an indie band or anything, in my opinion, they're very much mainstream pop/rock, albeit British. Now, if I were looking for The Pipette's We Are The Pipettes, that's something else, cos the band's indie and British.

Eurgh, I guess I have to live with the majority of Singapore's music preferences - cheena (YUCKS) and/or mainstream pop aka mostly junk (think Paris Hilton, Jesse McCartney, Britney Spears.)

More music

Jesse McCartney - Just So You Know


Totally eurgh song, but stuck in my head!! Thank God for Gwen.

Gwen Stefani - Wind It Up

The Top Ten Rock Videos of 2006 (MTV)

10. Oasis - The Importance of Being Idle

It reminds me of MCR's Helena, with the coffins, funeral and all.

9. Nickelback - Photograph

Almost forgot about how huge this song was in the summer. Another one of them Nickelback classics.

8. Keane - Is It Any Wonder

An extremely dizzyfying vid!

7. Fall Out Boy - Dance, Dance

Truly dance, dance, even if it classifies as rock music.

6. AFI - Miss Murder

I've heard this song somewhere, just didn't know it was AFI. The lead's very pretty, you think?

5. Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars

It's a beautiful song, so stop overplaying it!!

4. Coldplay - Speed of Sound

Of course, the chart wouldn't be complete without Coldplay.

3. Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Dani California

Hilarious vid, as usual from the Peppers.

2. Evanescence - Call Me When You're Sober

Hot guy alert: Oliver Goodwill. :)

1. Panic! At The Disco - I Write Sins Not Tragedies

Of course, the band of the mo'. Damn nice circus theme.

Respect isn't too much to ask for, is it?

On a day that I wanted to let out and cry so much over what I did and how things turned out, something totally unrelated made me tear instead.

I came across this from Lingwei's blog.

Name-calling, insults, stereotyping, labelling. Whoah. How much more can a Muslim take before he or she loses faith in humankind?

I Write Sins Not Tragedies

No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.

Waiting for it to come around.

Sometimes I wish I could be more sensible.

What the hell I was thinking, I don't know.

All I know is that I did something wrong, and now it is time to rectify it.

Thing is, how? I'm not sure where to start.

I postulated a few posts ago that life is about the choices we make.

I made a choice. A seriously wrong one.

And I have no one but myself to blame.

And I admit that.

But I never thought it would be this hard.

Hard to come to terms with, hard to face the music, so they say.

I have never felt this low, this unsure about myself.

I'm at a loss.

Oh dear, Nita, what did you do?

One more for the leavin'

Met up with Jess before she's leaving for Korea. I'm rather surprised and very pleased that she and I click very well. She's definitely a friend for keeps and I'm gonna miss having long chats with her about boys and clubbing and stuff like that.

B-O-R-E-D

The Priss
Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer (DBLDf)

Mature. Responsible. Aristocratic. Excuse me. The Priss.

Prisses are the smartest of all female types. You're highly perceptive, and confident in your judgements. You'd take brutal honesty over superficiality any time - your friends always know where they stand with you. You're completely unfake. Don't tell me that's not a word. You're also excellent at redirecting internal negative energy.

These facts indicate people are often intimidated by you. They also fall for you, hard. You have a distant, composed allure that many find irresistible. If only more of them lived up to your standards. You were probably the last among your friends to have sex. And the first to pretend that you're pregnant. LOL. Though you're inclined to use sex as weapon, at least it's not as one of mass destruction. You're choosier than most about your partners. A supportive relationship is what you're really after. Whether you know it or not, you need something steady & long-term. And soothing.

Take the quiz.



Yes, I was bored. And this was one o'em in my inbox. One down, three to go.

"Maybe Romeo and Juliet were fated to be together but just for a while. And then their time passed. If they could’ve known that beforehand maybe it would’ve all been okay. I told Mrs Snyder that when I was growing up I’d take fate into my own hands. I wouldn’t let some guy drag me down. Mrs Snyder said that I’d be lucky if I found that kind of passion with someone. And that if I did, we’d be together forever. Even now I believe for the most part love is about choices. It’s about putting down the poison and the dagger and making your own happy ending... most of the time. And that sometimes despite all your best choices and all your best intentions, fate wins anyway."

Yet another quote from Grey's Anatomy.

I like this quote because it sums up how I feel about life and love in general. The choices we make are fundamental to our happiness. We have the power to change our lives, but sometimes, we choose not to, and that is sad.

Sometimes, we blame circumstances for the plight we are in. We cannot change the situation simply because the circumstances constrain us.

Other times, fate interjects and even if we try to change the situation, fate makes fools of us and we're back to square one.

We were having this convo just now, Rei, Aishah, Alan and I. About love and whether there is true love and that one person for everyone. Something to that extent. And while I believe that nothing is forever (people always leave/change - it's the nature of human beings), I also believe that we are responsible (for the most part) for our fates.

So I always make sure that if I can change something, I will. If I can control my life, I will. If I can make a choice to improve my life, I will. After all, if we don't pursue our own happiness, who will?

On a totally different note, I had fun at the beach today with Rei, Aishah and Alan. Although I just sat there on the beach, soaking in the sun, wind in my hair, I completely enjoyed my alone time. The three of them cycled, and while I wanted to, I am chicken shit. I haven't cycled in years and I was afraid, so I decided to do the thing I do best - be a bimbo and tan. Whoops. But I still enjoyed myself, cos I love my alone time.

On yet another totally different note, I came across this article in ST yesterday talking about a female Egyptian sexologist who hosts a talk show.

According to the article:

"On her show, Big Talk, she answers questions from Muslims all over the Middle East about the most intimate bedroom issues with an openness that is shocking and revolutionary in a society where discussing the topic is taboo."

"She does it by talking about sex in an Islamic light, arguing that the faith is in favour of pleasure for both men and women, with one important caveat - that it be only in the text of marriage."

The comes the bad part:

"After Islamic banks, Islamic fashion, Islamic TV channels, Islamic hairdressers... now Islamic sex? This is too much," said feminist writer Mona Helmi. "Sex is an emotional and human condition, not a religious and identity issue."

Mkay. You see, Muslims view their religion not as a religion per se, but a way of life. So that's why we have Islamic banks, Islamic fashion, Islamic TV channels, Islamic hairdressers, and yes, Islamic sex too. We incorporate our religion into the way we live, its teachings guide us as to how we live our lives. Don't all religions do that? But we kinda take a step further (not that other religions don't go that extra mile - disclaimer).

If Islam dictates that money must be earned through our own hard work, then it shall, and there you have it, Islamic banks that do not give interest. If Islam dictates that women should be covered from head to foot to both discourage men from having impure thoughts and protect women from assualt, then so be it, and there you have it, Islamic fashion.

Islam is a way of life. It boils down to understanding and accepting each other for who we are and what we do. Please respect how we live, and we'll also respect how you live, ok?

Last thing on the list:


Goodnight world!

Quoteworthy

Well, exams are over and I somehow feel an emptiness inside. Of course I'm estatic, I'm looking forward to a month of catching up with friends, shopping (window, now), parties, Christmas (though I don't celebrate it) and New Year's.

And in between all that, I gotta sked in getting ready for the next semester (damn module picking), thesis research (and etc.), TCO meetings.

I know I have 4 updates in the inbox, but here I am crafting a new post. Whoops. Can't help it.

Today I bring you two quotes that sparked some thinking for me.

The first one's from Grey's Anatomy (damn, they've got a great scriptwriter). It's when Alex's patient asks him for a kiss, since she's never been out there cos of her condition. she's never had friends, been in school, had a boyfriend, been kissed. She reckons she's the only eighteen-year-old to never have gone to first base. (Welcome to my world, Nicole.) So she wanted to see how a kiss feels like. And you'd expect Alex to go ahead and kiss her, cos he's got this bad boy thing going for him. But instead, he tells Nicole this:

"For a kiss to be really good you want it to mean something. You want it be with someone you can’t get out of your head. So that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere. A kiss so hot, so deep, you never wanna come up for air. You can’t cheat your first kiss, Nicole. Trust me, you don’t want to. Cos when you find the right person to first kiss, it’s everything."

Wow. And there it is. The reason I'm waiting. :) (Or maybe I'm just a commitment phobe. Or I'm just scared. Lol.)

The second one's from The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. Yes, I was watching it on Channel 5 a while ago.

"How do you pick up the pieces of an old life? How do you go on? When in your heart you begin to understand, there is no going back. There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts go too deep... that have taken hold."

Reminded me of the conversation I had with Rei today over lunch. She told me that she never realised that we were worlds apart personality/outlook-wise. She says I'm stubborn (which I am), and that I should be more optimistic.

Thing is, I was telling her how I've lost hope in people in general, and that I don't believe in friendships (relationships?) anymore. I'm really tired of trying to keep friendships alive when obviously, the other party takes me for granted. I've had this happen so many times, I've lost count. All those friends I've lost simply because I never got a reply. That's the reason why my Friendster account has only 67 (?) friends. I don't approach friends-of-friends-of-friends. I sit and wait to see who values my friendship.

Don't get me wrong. I cherish the friendships I have now. My girlfriends, my NUS friends, my friends from my other schools, from everywhere. I appreciate them and I respect them and I love them as friends. But who knows what's gonna happen in the future? Will we still be friends? I can put in all the effort I want to keep that friendship alive, but is the other party gonna do that?

So instead of exerting wasted effort, I've decided to just go with the flow. What's important (in my personal relationships) is the here and now.

I don't think that is the slightest bit pessimistic though. It's not a sad/pathetic way to live life, to me. And it sure as hell ain't jaded, I hope. I never want to be jaded about anything. But hey, if it's jaded to you, then it is jaded to you. (In other words, I respect the way you are, and you respect the way I am, ok?)

Damn it, I've got this stuck in my head now. What is it with the endless barrage of crap music?! (Though I'd rather take Hilary over Britney anytime.)

Hilary Duff - So Yesterday


Hilary Duff - Come Clean


Hilary Duff - Play With Fire

Ok, this last vid isn't half bad. It's a different sound and Hil's got a whole new image to go along with it. Whoah, I'm impressed.

Who needs shelter from the sun?

Another weekend of shopping. It's addictive, people, especially when you haven't been spending on yourself for eons. Yikes. Well, my only consolation is that I only spent on a belt yesterday.

Though that doesn't exactly console much, cos I have a ton of things on my list to spend on:
A potential trip to Bangkok/Melbourne
A set of golf clubs for my uncle
New Year's Eve Siloso Beach Party tickets
MUSE concert tickets
Spare cash for lots of partying over the holidays

Whoops.

So yesterday I watched Happy Feet with my mom and sis. The movie is hilarious! I laughed till my stomach hurt. What I liked best? How they made Memphis a stupidhead. Very typical ain't it? Of fathers and men, that is. He wasn't accepting that Mumble was different, and he refused to admit that it was probably his fault that Mumble didn't fit in. He couldn't even take care of the egg! *Roll eyes* The rest of the movie was really quite mediocre, cept for the script cos it was funny.

Then I met up with Mok Eun - he's going back to Korea on the 7th. Wow, I can't believe how time flies and how fate works. How could I become friends with someone from Korea, with our considerable language barrier? And now it's already time for him to head home. Wow.



I've decided on a different phone now - the Moto Red RAZR V3. Cos it's red. Lol. Nah, cos the Samsung one looks really 'auntie', though the white one's not too bad. And then I decided on an LG Chocolate, but considering that LG isn't a mobile phone brand per se, I think Moto's gotta be it.

Ok, I gotta go now. I'll be back soon, I promise. I've got 4 other posts on the way!

Tomorrow's my last paper. Woot. Then it's party time!!!

PS Jac: *HUG*

PPS Ivy (and Fiona and Aishah): I'm 80 percent gonna get them concert tickets! Urgh. Lemme just see how I can tweak my finances some more. I'll get them before they get sold out.... I hope.

Black holes and revelations

So anyway, exams are gonna be over soon. Not soon enough, though. But I'll survive, I guess.

I really have nothing much to say, except that I am freakin' delirious about something.

TCO was featured on Lianhe Zaobao on Nov 29, 2006. I am so happy!! Zaobao was running a feature on university students' publications. And I know I can't read nor comprehend most of the article, but Aaron's gonna translate it. We were given considerably more coverage (and a huge-ass picture on the front page of zbNOW!!) than the other publications, and from what I've heard, Zaobao highlighted the fact that TCO was entirely student-run and funded. And of course, there's bound to be something about the article that wouldn't sit well with us, and. Well, I'm a little too tired and un-bothered to talk about it. Aaron discussed it in his blog, though, so go take a look-see. I'm just glad we're making a little progress with the publicity.

I just found out that my white kitten's a girl. Whoops. And my mom has thought of new names for them. (Yeah, we haven't decided on their names proper.) They're starting to get mischevious and starting to explore their little playpen, though I do bring them out of the cage sometimes.


Ash, Midnight and Frosty (according to Mom)

I wonder if the many names my kitties have are confusing them.

Let me just get this out of my system.

Britney Spears - My Prerogative


Britney Spears - Do Something


Britney Spears/Pharell - Boys (The Co-ed Remix)

Pharell is hot.

Mariah Carey - Heartbreaker


Mariah Carey - We Belong Together

Wentworth Miller is hott.

I am really sorry for the barrage of Britney songs (hey, three is more than a torture!!), but they've been stuck in my head and perhaps expelling them here would do my sanity some good. At least there's some Mariah to sorta save the day....

Oh, oh! The postings did work! (Yes, I've been crafting this post over a few days....)

Muse - Starlight


Why oh why do tickets cost a bomb?! They're coming to Singapore in January and I can't afford them tickets.... Unless I find a sponsor.... Which won't happen in the near future. Ah well....

I'll leave y'all with this.

Madonna - Die Another Day


PS Pat: Yeah, malls and/or makan sounds gooood. I don't even mind spending a few hours at the beach! Call me or I'll call you. Oh, and I'll never ever settle for less. :)